From the archives

[Chimera]

From the archives:

This is from the D&D crew's old misadventures on IRC. Dug it up while I was backing up files. This is a selection I found highly amusing.

Ragnar: Human Ranger
Ailin: Halfling wizard/fighter
Demus: Elf Wizard
Athenry: Dwarf Fighter

In it, the group tries to buy a statue of ctuhlu, and are getting ripped off by two merchants who bought it from the party (or more specifcally demus) who did not realize its true value.


agnar "I have been seeking out a statue in my travels and I thought I would check your stock, see if I can find what I have been seeking"
[19:52] * Ailin looks around, trying not to appear too bored with his "master's" inquiries
[19:52] <ChimeranDM> " What have you been searching for? I have several ancient idols of ancient gods..including one of Hastur!"
[19:53] <ChimeranDM> He makes a quick sign after he says that.
[19:53] <Ragnar> "Ok. It depicts a warrior, about yay tall, in armor carrying a sickle shaped sword"
[19:53] * Ailin lets out a cough to signal when he sees the statue he found
[19:54] <ChimeranDM> "Hmm..no I dont think I have one of those."
[19:54] <ChimeranDM> You dont see it Ailin
[19:55] <ChimeranDM> "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
[19:55] <Ragnar> "Hrrmmm...I'm told it is a Cthulu statue. My employer wishes to have one for some reason or other. Are there perhaps other dealers in this town who may deal in such things?"
[19:55] <ChimeranDM> make...listen checks..
[19:55] <ChimeranDM> roll 1d20
[19:55] <Ragnar> roll d20+5
[19:55] * Swordboy --> "Ragnar rolls a d20+5 and gets 21."
[19:55] * Swordboy --> "ChimeranDM rolls 1d20 and gets 19."
[19:56] <Ailin> roll d20+15 to listen
[19:56] * Swordboy --> "Ailin rolls a d20+15 to listen and gets 30."
[19:56] <ChimeranDM> Ragnar and Ailin think they hear some sorta noise..the guy is oblivious apparently..
[19:57] * Ailin perks up
[19:57] <ChimeranDM> "Cthulu (you hear it again).....Cthulu...(hearing it again)....can you describe it?"
[19:57] <Ailin> "quack"
[19:57] * Ragnar shoots looks Ailin's way, then continues on with the storekeep
[19:57] <Athenry> roll d20+6
[19:57] * Swordboy --> "Athenry rolls a d20+6 and gets 20."
[19:57] <ChimeranDM> Athenry hears it too.
[19:57] * Ailin describes the statue he found
[19:57] <Ragnar> "I did. Warrior, sickle shaped sword...?"
[19:58] * Ailin is sure to say Cthulu a lot to confirm the noise occurs in response
[19:58] <ChimeranDM> The guy thinkgs for a minute..then says "Hey sigmund..do we have a Cthulu doll?" toward the back of the store.
[19:59] <ChimeranDM> Another guy strolls out...the guy who bought the doll from Demus and says: "Yeah..just got one the other day. These folk looking for one?"
[19:59] <ChimeranDM> He looks you over.
[20:00] * Ragnar looks him over
[20:00] <ChimeranDM> He pulls it out.
[20:00] <ChimeranDM> "Yeah..just got this one in."
[20:01] <Ragnar> "Really? May I inspect it?"
[20:01] <ChimeranDM> (Cthulu looks like a giant green mindflayer.(
[20:01] <ChimeranDM> The Chalcedonians statue suddenly glows bright blue when you say his nameand you hear this is in a strong baritone voice:
[20:01] <ChimeranDM> "Speak the names to open the door that will bridge the void and be thrust out from the bounded cell."
[20:01] <ChimeranDM> ****..ignore that.
[20:01] <Ragnar> (I understand COMPLETELY Chim =P )
[20:01] <ChimeranDM> He says sure..hands it to you.
[20:02] * Ragnar looks the statue over, then hands it to Ailin to inspect
[20:02] * Ailin looks to confirm that it is the same statue and nods to Ragnar if it is
[20:03] <ChimeranDM> sure
[20:03] * Ragnar nods to himself, then addresses Sig
[20:03] <Ragnar> "How much?"
[20:04] <ChimeranDM> He thinks for a minute and looks at his brother.
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> "Well...seeing as how its a WOODEN representation of the elder god...and seeing as how it does this:..
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> he says Cthulu
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> The Cthulu statue begins to emit a soft green light, and in a sibiliant voice that seems to rasp against itself you hear:
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> "Be true to thine way and stray not from the path of knowledge to the wilderness of ignorance, else forever lost shall ye be."
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> "...we could let it go for...2500 gp."
[20:05] * Ragnar raises his brows in surprise
[20:05] <ChimeranDM> He laughs to himself.
[20:06] <ChimeranDM> You shoulda seen the lackwit elf that sold me this..
[20:06] <ChimeranDM> we took him to the cleaners.
[20:06] <ChimeranDM> they both laugh a good one.
[20:06] <Demus> (hey... i drove a hard bargain)
[20:06] <ChimeranDM> (you sure did..)
[20:06] <Ragnar> "2500 for a fortune cookie? Sounds a bit steep. I'll give you 1000 gold for it"
[20:07] <Demus> (lol fortune cookie... nice one)
[20:07] <ChimeranDM> "1000 gp? I don't think so. "
[20:08] * Ragnar whispers with Ailin
[20:08] <Ailin> "you know boss, it might be a fair deal at 1500 gold"
[20:08] * Athenry stands in front of the store casually glancing over merchandise keeping his ears open
[20:09] <ChimeranDM> " We were going to sell it to the magic university up in Watersdeep..I bet they'd be interested in it..don't see many 'Cthulu' dolls around these days."
[20:09] <ChimeranDM> It does it again.
[20:09] <ChimeranDM> He says: 2300 gp
[20:10] <Ragnar> "My employercan probably afford it, but I know he's going to take it out of my fee...<sigh> I can come up woth 1500...perhaps..."
[20:10] * Ragnar looks to Ailin as if asking for confirmation
[20:10] <ChimeranDM> make a bluff check ragnar..
[20:11] * Ailin nods
[20:11] <Ragnar> roll d20
[20:11] * Swordboy --> "Ragnar rolls a d20 and gets 10."
[20:11] <ChimeranDM> roll 1d20+5
[20:11] * Swordboy --> "ChimeranDM rolls 1d20+5 and gets 14."
[20:11] <ChimeranDM> he knows you are full of it..hiding something..
[20:12] <ChimeranDM> "Oh thats too bad I guess..well we will have it for another day or so. Maybe he will change his mind."
[20:12] <ChimeranDM> He starts wrapping it up.
[20:12] * Ragnar looks over at Ailin again
[20:12] * Athenry glances over at the doll
[20:12] <Ailin> "Sure, you don't see these very often, but the ones you do see are in better shape. Be reasonable .... 1700 cash, right now"
[20:13] <ChimeranDM> He stops: 2000
[20:13] <Athenry> "Say were these fellows interested in a C'thulu doll?"
[20:13] * Athenry pretends to not know the group
[20:13] <ChimeranDM> He looks at you.
[20:13] <Ailin> "why yes, friendly dwarf whom I don't know"
[20:13] <ChimeranDM> He says: Are you willing to offer more?
[20:13] <Ragnar> (LOL!)
[20:13] <Athenry> "I too have been looking for them. How much for it?"
[20:14] <ChimeranDM> offer is 2000
[20:14] <Athenry> "Well.. Lemme take a look.."
[20:14] * Athenry scrounges around in the pockets of his raggedy clothes
[20:14] <Athenry> hmm" I have here... 1700.. do a dwarf a favour?"
[20:15] * Ailin whispers to ragnar
[20:16] * Ragnar drops 1800 onto the counter, where they can see it
[20:16] * Athenry eyes the gold..
[20:16] <Athenry> "hmmm 1800 eh? I don't know if I can match that..."
[20:17] <ChimeranDM> You're mistaken if you think that making a lower offer and showing them the money will make them pounce on the offer.
[20:18] <ChimeranDM> "well??"
[20:19] <Ragnar> (I'm confused, who made an offer of 2k?)
[20:19] <Ragnar> (I thought that was his counter to our 1700 offer)
[20:19] <ChimeranDM> it was...
[20:19] <ChimeranDM> you plopped down 1800 on the counter..
[20:20] <ChimeranDM> and they weren't going for it
[20:20] <Ragnar> (aahhh, ok)
[20:20] * Ragnar sighs, shrugs, and starts to gather up his gold
[20:20] <Ragnar> "Well, it looks like my searchi will go on then"
[20:21] <ChimeranDM> "sorry..gotta make a living you know."
[20:21] <Ragnar> "Sure, everyone's gotta do that. Thanks for your time"
[20:22] * Athenry shrugs and leaves the store
[20:22] * Ragnar gathers up the last of his coin, looks apologetically at Ailin, then heads for the door
[20:22] * Ailin follows Ragnar
[20:22] <ChimeranDM> So no go then?
[20:22] * Athenry waits outside for the group
[20:23] <Ailin> (no go)
[20:23] <Ragnar> "Oh, this is where we will be, if you change your mind, but we'll be leaving town tomorrow"
[20:24] * Ragnar lets them know what Inn he's at and the room
[20:24] <ChimeranDM> He says ok
[20:25] * Ragnar heads back to the inn
[20:25] <ChimeranDM> ok
[20:25] * Athenry follows
[20:25] * Ragnar goes up to Demus' room
[20:26] * Ragnar knocks on the door
[20:26] <Demus> "Who is it?"
[20:27] <Ragnar> "It's me, Ethel. Who do you think it IS?!"
[20:27] * Ailin finishes liquidating all the loot then returns to disburse the proceeds
[20:27] * Ragnar is fuming
[20:27] * Demus opens the door
[20:27] <Demus> "How would I know it is you, you didn't say anything"
[20:27] <Demus> "And you told me someone is after us... i should be more cautious
[20:28] * Athenry chuckles
[20:28] <Demus> "What happened with the antique dealer?"
[20:28] <Ragnar> "Well, for one, you got fleeced"
[20:29] <Demus> "How so?"
[20:29] <Ragnar> "They wanted 2500 gold for the thing"
[20:29] <Demus> "Bah they tried to rip you off"
[20:29] <Demus> "It isn't worth that much"
[20:30] <Demus> "Probably mad because I tried to sell it to them for 20,000 GP"
[20:30] <Ragnar> "Yeah, well, regardless. The point is that they have it, we want it, so they decide what it is worth"
[20:30] <Demus> "I'll get it back..."
[20:30] <Demus> "what money did we get for the loot?"
[20:30] <Ragnar> (5 min break? I need to pee)
[20:30] <ChimeranDM> ok
[20:30] <ChimeranDM> 5
[20:30] <ChimeranDM> min
[20:31] <Demus> damn doll...
[20:32] <Ragnar> Heh
[20:33] <Ragnar> What do I know about statues? I might be able to tell you what kind of wood it's made from, bt what do I know from value?
[20:33] <ChimeranDM> its difficult to appraise something like that..
[20:33] <ChimeranDM> its rare..but made outta wood..
[20:33] <ChimeranDM> and it talks..
[20:34] <Demus> "OK boss I will go get the statue back"
[20:35] <Ragnar> Oh, I agree. I just havn't a clue what it could be worth
[20:35] * Demus heads back to the antique shop alone
[20:35] <ChimeranDM> Sigmund greets you.
[20:35] <ChimeranDM> "Welcome back!"
[20:35] <ChimeranDM> "can I help you?"
[20:35] <Demus> "Hello sir"
[20:36] <Demus> "Yes you can"
[20:36] <Demus> "I would like to purchase that doll I sold you the other day"
[20:36] <ChimeranDM> "you would would you..what made you change your mind?"
[20:36] <Demus> "Well I found another one like it..."
[20:37] * Demus produces the second doll
[20:37] <Demus> "I know they are not magical but I think they make cool toys"
[20:37] <ChimeranDM> SO you are taking it out..the second doll right?
[20:37] <Demus> (yes)
[20:38] * Demus says the magic word
[

[Chimera]

20:38] <ChimeranDM> Soon as you do that..the Cthulu doll flies out from the packaging sigmund had it in..and attaches to the bottom of the Chalcedonian statue.
[20:38] <Demus> (lol)
[20:38] <ChimeranDM> Sigmund: HEY! WHat do you think you are doing!
[20:38] <Demus> "I didn't do anything"
[20:38] <Ragnar> (Doh! Run Demus, Run!)
[20:38] <Demus> "Obviously they are connected somehow..."
[20:38] <ChimeranDM> "The hell yuo didn't! Give me back that Cthulu doll!"
[20:38] <ChimeranDM> "You want it you gotta pay!"
[20:38] <Athenry> (hmmm why do we always get in legal trouble?)
[20:39] <Demus> "Ok I will give double what I paid for it..."
[20:39] <ChimeranDM> 2500 gp now!
[20:39] * Demus ponders... casts Invisibility
[20:39] <Athenry> (rofl)
[20:39] <Demus> roll d20+13 to concentrate
[20:39] * Swordboy --> "Demus rolls a d20+13 to concentrate and gets 20."
[20:39] <ChimeranDM> Sigmund: What the...Riley! Go call the guard! He stole the statue!
[20:39] <Demus> "Now now lets not be hasty"
[20:40] <ChimeranDM> His brother runs out calling for the guard while sigmund is laying about with a club trying to find you
[20:40] <ChimeranDM> "Where are you you %*#&%^ elf!"
[20:40] <Athenry> (run!)
[20:40] <ChimeranDM> Roll 1d20-8
[20:40] * Swordboy --> "ChimeranDM rolls 1d20-8 and gets 0."
[20:40] * Demus quickly exits the store
[20:40] <ChimeranDM> he misses you by a mile..
[20:41] <ChimeranDM> You can hear the guard starting to run toward the shop..
[20:41] <ChimeranDM> Sigmund explains whats going on..
[20:41] <ChimeranDM> and the guard quickly spread the word..they start to fan out..but don't know quite what to look for..
[20:41] * Demus heads back to the inn
[20:41] <ChimeranDM> Riley is giving them your description.
[20:41] * Demus finds Ragnar
[20:42] * Athenry proposes we leave. Now.
[20:42] <Demus> "Uh boss, i got the statue, but uh we gotta go"
[20:42] <Ragnar> "Hey, you got it...what did it cost us?
[20:42] <Demus> "I will explain later... lets go"
[20:42] * Ragnar looks very troubled
[20:42] <Demus> (I am invisible by the way)
[20:43] <Ragnar> "What's the rush? We need to settle our accounts here...oh...you DID'T...did you?"
[20:43] * Demus quickly explains what happened
[20:43] <Athenry> "Fabulous."
[20:43] <Demus> "I tried to give him fair price but he called the guard..."
[20:43] <Athenry> Let's go. Now.
[20:43] <Demus> "I had nothing to do with the statues attaching..."
[20:44] <Demus> "And he tried to kill me so i turned invisible"
[20:44] <Athenry> "Just what we needed, more legal trouble.. for a bunch of heros why are we always on the lamb?"
[20:44] <Ragnar> "Gah! Not again! Demus, get you stuff and get out of town. Meet us where we beat down those assasins. Athenry, floow out shortly after. I'll find Ailin, settle our accounts and pray"
[20:44] <Ailin> "keep yourself invisible. walk out of town. we will catch up with you down teh road"
[20:44] <Demus> "well offer the shop owner 1100 GP, say I sent you"
[20:44] * Demus quickly leaves town
[20:45] <Ailin> "don't offer anything, we'll get picked up"
[20:45] <Ragnar> "Are you NUTS? Then I'll go to prison. Right now YOU are the only criminal here. Let's keep it that way"
[20:45] <Ailin> "demus, you gone?"
[20:45] <Ailin> "good"
[20:45] <Ragnar> "Athenry, you take Demus' horse and equipment, and get out of town. Real casual like"
[20:46] <ChimeranDM> you get outta town...just before they have the local mage auxillary setting up their scrying checkpoints for invisible persons.
[20:46] <Demus> (lol)
[20:46] * Athenry commands the armor to change the clothes to different attire
[20:47] <ChimeranDM> they turn from a green tunic to a brown one.
[20:47] * Athenry grabs Demus' stuff and horse and leaves to meet Demus real casual like
[20:48] <Ragnar> "Ailin, how do we always end up in these messes?"
[20:48] * Ragnar looks at the halfling peadingly
[20:48] <Ailin> "dance with idiots, boss"
[20:48] * Ailin clicks his heels and makes like a fool
[20:48] <Ragnar> "Well, let's settle the accounts here and get out of dodge."
[20:49] * Demus waits for Athenry and attempts to pull apart the statues
[20:49] * Ailin packs up and follows Ragnar out
[20:49] * Ragnar shakes his head bitterly
[20:49] <ChimeranDM> the statues dont come apart..
[20:49] <ChimeranDM> you get out of town..
[20:49] <ChimeranDM> the local guard asks you questions and so on..
[20:49] <ChimeranDM> gives you his description..
[20:49] <ChimeranDM> tells you to be carefull...etc..
[20:50] * Demus says 'Cthulu'
[20:50] * Ragnar heads out to the meeting point
[20:50] * Ailin follows the boss

[Talon]

HAHAHA... I had forgotten all about that. That was great stuff Chim. What can I say I tried to be a fair man. How could I know the statues would attach? No way was I giving that guy my half of the statue for free!!

[Rock-n-Roll]

Omigod, that was awesome!

God I miss D&D nights.