Grand Lodge League
The Poison Has Arrived
That's right readers. The new season of the Grand Lodge League kicks off in two weeks time, and, as has been long promised, the poison has finally arrived in the Lodge Premier League. Exactly two years to the day since football megastar Lordanubis arrived to institute root to branch upheaval at then floundering club St Helens Reds, the club now graces the Lodge Premier League for the very first time - and it certainly won't be turning up to play nice.
The man who has single handedly built up the new St Helens Reds, and on the way to doing so has done more to destroy the chances of lesser clubs (such as the fallen-from-grace Cincinnati Steamers) than any other in recent history - Lordanubis - arrived to his pre-season press conference to rapturous applause from all in attendance.
We all know the story of the past tumultuous season for the Reds. Lordanubis was tragically hospitalised for major surgery early on, after a brutal and unprovoked machete attack by rival manager Kahn that landed both managers incapacitated (in hospital and jail respectively) for the majority of the season. That period, with their talismanic manager absent, saw several less than stellar results for the Reds until Lordanubis returned, bringing with him the winning ways of old - leading the Reds to an amazing fourth place finish in the circumstances.
But even during the less than stellar period, the Reds showed promise. They scraped together draws where there should have been defeats, and even a win or two when they performed poorly. Finally, and shockingly, the reason for this was revealed today when Lordanubis revealed the newest edition to the club hierarchy - the assistant manager whose identity kept everyone guessing throughout that troubled period, former rival and Liverspool manager Malcolm Reynolds.
"Everyone here needs to know that this man is the one who stepped up to the plate to bat for the team last season," Lordanubis told the assembled press, as a beaming Reynolds joined him on stage. "Once Liverspool had let him go, he made the smartest move of his life by coming to me and begging me for a chance to re-learn his trade. He's still only a novice on that path, but anyone can see the positive change in his dedication and ability from our short time together.He's learned to worship the ground that Lordanubis spits on, and it's paying off for him and our club as a whole."
Not content at leaving reporters stunned by the shock betrayal of his old club, Reynolds also took the time on stage to spell out why he had dedicated himself to working so hard in secret last season, in order to try and keep the Reds' ship stable in Lordanubis' absence.
"I've been in the LPL. I know how things work there." he told reporters. "Nobody knows that league better than me.I can tell you all know that that league is full of establishment teams who will do anything to preserve their own status as the supposed top dogs. I remember sitting in meetings days before I left Liverspool, where several clubs joined in a discussion between Cyphon, the Liverspool chairman, and the chairman of the FA as to how they could fix it so that Liverspool were not relegated that season. I expressed my shock and horror at the proposal at the time, as we had finished in the relegation places and thus deserved to go down, but lo and behold a few days later I was released from my post and it was announced that Liverspool would remain in the LPL!"
"The truth is that the clubs at that level - though Liverspool and the Templar Blades in particular - are terrified of new competition, because they fear losing their elite status, and they'll do anything they can to keep the status quo in place. I can't agree with that way of doing things, and so I decided to make a stand against it whilst learning under the best in the business - Lordanubis. Under his stewardship, we've put a very large crack in their perfect world by just getting to the LPL, and this season we aim to smash that glass ceiling and end the age of the 'establishment' once and for all!"
Naturally, a frenzy of questions followed this astonishing series of revelations by both Lordanubis and Reynolds, with several reporters having to be ejected from the media room via a baseball bat to the face for daring to suggest that the claims were unsubstantiated. However, despite Reynold's shock reveal, it was Lordanubis who as usual had the last word from this press conference:
"Everyone's got to realise by now that they can't stop the Reds. I stood here and told you all two years ago that we'd get to the LPL, and no-one listened. Losers like the Steamers didn't believe us, and look what's happened to them now - a failing team left in a league of disappointments. Now I'm telling the clubs of the LPL directly - you've seen what we can do. You can't stop it. No-one can stop the fact that the Reds, with Lordanubis at the helm, are on our way to the Lodge Premier League. And once we're there, and you cowards have to face us like men, you will all learn that there truly is no escape, and no way to avoid the storm that's heading your way."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch
Forever an eXile and proud of it!