X11 - Press Releases

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Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:26 pm

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Reds Respond To Uncouth Steamers
After last night's uncouth and completely unwarranted brazen attack upon the character of the St Helens Reds team, reporters managed to extract comment on the situation from Reds manager Lordanubis this afternoon. The Steamers' comments, which made many back pages today, have been slammed by pundits across the country - and Lordanubis had much the same sentiment to share in his pre-match Press Conference today.

"Well the first thing those idiots have to realise," he commented upon the issue being raised, "is that this club is the future of this sport. And people like Limerick need to learn to shut up when I'm talking, and listen to what we have to say."

"I've sat here for months now I've held my head high - doing everything by the book, paying petty respect to these degenerates. But the brand of the Reds, the name of Lordanubis, it's so much bigger than them all. The complete and utter lack of respect that they give to their superiors....they can stick it where the sun doesn't shine. This team, our fans, and myself - we are people that deserve some damn respect. We've got new blood in our squad in the form of our fantastic youngsters, and together with that new blood by my side we'll destroy everything in our path - the Steamers are just first in line."

Finally, quizzed on the overwhelmingly hostile reaction in the backwards and uneducated Cincinnati press following his statements over the weekend, Lordanubis was quite up front with his (in this reporter's opinion) completely justified response. "As far as I'm concerned, all that crap they've been talking represents the people of Cincinnati to a tee."

"They all know that if it wasn't for the Reds and myself, none of them would have a team to watch. We were selling out stadia whilst they were all desperately trying to get their grades in high school.If it wasn't for the Reds, their players would still be down in the amateur leagues hoping for a chance that their skills don't deserve.They should be getting down on the ground to thank us on bended knee, and after the beating we give them on Thursday, we'll leave them safe in the knowledge of just how low their pathetic team can go."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Reds' Charity Praised Globally

After yesterday's unfortunate slip up against local no-hopers the Cincinnati Steamers, the manager of St Helens Reds, Lordanubis, came out to face the press today. Lordanubis has made headlines across the country in recent days due to his candid comments made in relation to the fixture against the Steamers, and many pundits had expected a quick about turn as a result of yesterday's slip.

As we quickly found out at the Press Conference, this was not to be the case. Naturally, all questions raised were regarding the surprise result against a shocking Steamers side, and Lordanubis not only answered these in full but also chose to explain the result and reiterate his recent stance.

"Let's address that head on." he began upon initial prompting regarding the topic. "The only reason anybody was in that stadium yesterday was for the Reds. They turned out in their thousands to watch us play, and no matter how much the Steamers pretend the opposite, their two fans in the cheap seats just couldn't compare. What we showed yesterday was that we treat our fans a hell of a lot better than the Steamers treat theirs."

"We went out there yesterday with the intention of giving them goals. We only put half a team out to ensure that even the Steamers' pitiful attack could score. Our two midfielders did us proud by doing their job perfectly - allowing goals to be created. But I saw the Cincinnati press this morning, saying that we were outthought. Well let me tell you something, the Reds are never outthought. Kahn is not the man, I'm the man. The man who made football famous, and the man who is too smart, too rich, and too good at what I do to be outthought by a degenerate like that."

"We're the team that made football famous in Cincinnati, and we went out there and gave those people a show. But now, we aren't going to be playing any more games - the time for playing around is over. Whilst we'll always appreciate the worship of our millions of fans worldwide, it's time for us to stop messing around and put out full strength sides against these idiots we have lined up. We'll be taking care of business, and nobody ever again will even get a sniff at our League One Title. We'll do what we want, when we want, and there's nothing anybody can do about it - we're just too damn good for them!"

"We have Mongoseion City up next, but who are they? They haven't done anything, they haven't beaten anybody. At the end of the day, they definately aren't qualified to be playing against us, but they can bring their cowards out to Knowsley Road next week and we'll kill them to take our three points."

This reporter left the Press Conference in sheer awe of the Reds' generosity. It's not many teams that would go out to entertain the fans rather than selfishly looking for points. Managers like Kahn would likely never understand how to please fans in such a manner. In this reporter's opinion, the league should consider awarding points for such acts of charity in future.
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:46 pm

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Win Takes Pressure Off Bohs
Dun Carrig Bohs romped to a 3-0 win yesterday over fellow relegation contenders Estrella Roja in what was billed by many as the match of the weekend. The goal count was perhaps not as high as Atl11tico Melloria's 5-1 thrashing of lowly PEI FC, but no other match this past weekend had so much on the line for both teams.

A loss for the Bohs would have left them panicking over possible relegation, and much had been made of this during the game's buildup. The performance suggested, however, that the players did not let this pressure get to them, and they will be rightfully happy with the well deserved three points that leaves them 9 points clear of the relegation zone with 9 points remaining up for grabs - all but safe.

"We're not safe quite yet, but it's a huge stride in the right direction." manager Lordanubis confirmed to the press following the game. "One more win will be enough, and if you look at our run in that looks doable. I know a lot of reporters are talking about the fact that we moved up into sixth for the first time in a while, but that's not too important right now really. At the moment, we have to focus on getting that last point we need to stay in the Segunda Liga - then we can turn our attention to seeing just how high up we can place."

That point would certainly be a good result for the Bohs next week, as they travel to promotion-challenging Nordheim Badgers FC. "It'll be tough, as they'll be desperate to get back into the top two," Lordanubis confirmed, "but we'll give it all we've got. It'd mean so much to everyone connected to this club to confirm our escape at home next week, and we'll be doing everything we can to make that happen."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pro League

Saints' Promotion Hopes Dulled
St Helens FC's promotion hopes were dulled this week after a 3-0 beating by AATBV 2 saw them pushed down to fifth in the league table. Whilst remaining only 1 point off third in what is shaping up to be a thrilling battle for that third promotion spot, Saints fans will be kicking themselves over their team's failure to take advantage of the opportunity to claim that third place spot themselves this weekend.

"We tried something new, because we felt it would be important to try and provide a bit more power in our attack for this game, but it obviously didn't work out for us." Manager Lordanubis told reporters. "When you get two of the same systems clashing like that, the important thing is to win the possession battle by dominating the midfield. We didn't manage that tonight, and we paid for that."

"It's a shame, because looking at the other results it was a great opportunity for us, but opportunities come and go. I'm sure it won't be our last chance to claim that promotion spot this season, and we'll start trying to make amends next week at New Sealand."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:31 pm

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Liverspool Battle Continues
Liverspool continued their battle to take home another piece of silverware as they met with Templar Blades at The Bramall Chapterhouse for the first leg of the FA Cup quarter final.

The match would see the home side using brutal tactics on the pitch to try and even the playing field, as was seen in the first minute of the match when Siphiwe Tshabalala was booked for brutal play against Fernando Torres. Torres had to be helped off the pitch after sustaining a serious knock and Les Wallace would be subbed in as his replacement. Cries for a red card against Tshabalala would be waved away and play would continue. Dirk Kuyt would open the scoring for Liverspool and Robbie Fowler would help continue the production of goals as the first half ended with Liverspool handily in the lead 2-0.

Home side Templar Blades would look to even the score in the second half with more dubious play as they claimed goals in the 73' and 86' of the match. Protests of handball from Liverspool after the first Templar goal went unheard as it was obvious that Eddie Dobson had used his arm to bring the ball down to his feet after an Irving Pritchard corner. This would only exacerbate things more as the ref would continue to overlook the abusive playstyle of the home side and allow the Blades a chance to catch up and bring the match to a draw at the final whistle.

Liverspool must now face 3rd place Argonauts without star striker Fernando Torres, who is rumoured to be out for the next two weeks, as they fight to pull themselves out of the relegation zone and turn their league season around.

--Bansfield Times--
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[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

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Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 6:35 pm

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EDFC Keeps Supporters Happy
Estrella Damm continues to shock and surprise supporters as they continue to challenge the top clubs for honours. EDFC proved this point with their recent 1-1 and 0-0 draws against VolNation in league and Cup play. Facing off against a top club like the Volunteers would sure test the meddle of any club, but Estrella Damm decided to thrive under such pressures and showed the opposition that they wouldn't lie down and be walked over.

EDFC continued to prove this point in their recent match against hosts Franciscan Monks where they kept the Monks at bay and only allowed a goal in in the last third of the match. While ultimately losing the match, the visitors showed that they aren't a club to be overestimated. The Estrella fever is catching across southern Spain as more and more people begin to rally under the banner of the club and show their support for what has become affectionately known as The Red. While not the strongest side in the league, The Red are an entertaining side showing determination and flair and an ability to cause even the top dogs to rethink their strategy.
Walk on with hope in your heart
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[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
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Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:26 pm

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Bohs Shock Badgers and Sink Roja
It was a day of mixed fortunes yesterday in the Segunda Liga, with elation for some and sadness for others. Most notable was the sad confirmation of relegation for hard-on-luck team Estrella Roja, which had sadly looked to be on the cards for several weeks now. Whilst Roja took a good point from the A.M. Adepts, it was not enough for them leaving them 8 points from safety with two games left to play.

It was a more positive day, however, for the Dun Carrig Bohs who until last week had been nervously looking over their shoulder at the relegation zone. Yesterday they built upon their recent momentum by running out to a surprise 5-2 win over promotion chasing Nordheim Badgers. In the fast paced and high scoring game, both sides put on a fantastic show for the fans, but the Bohs ultimately ran out deserved winners after dominating 62% of possession and having treble the Shots on Target that their opponents had.

Manager Lordanubis was naturally extremely upbeat at the result which sees his Bohs side now only two points off third place, thanks to an incredible situation that sees four teams seperated by only two points. "It's a great result." he told reporters. "Not only does it guarantee our place in the Segunda Liga next season, but it also allows us to push on now for these last two games. Considering only last week we were sat here discussing relegation it's amazing that we could well now be chasing third place in the table."

But Lordanubis also had words for the defeated Roja team, who will be playing Tercera Liga football next season. "I'd like to wish Estrella Roja all the best, and I hope to see them bounce back next season. Clearly we're all elated here at our survival, but it's important to remember that our survival is another's heartbreak. It's just unfortunate that it had to be someone at the end of the day."


------------------------------

Grand Lodge League

Reds Pile Pressure On Steamers

St Helens Reds romped to an emphatic victory over Mongoseion City yesterday in what this reporter can only describe as a demonstration of sheer excellence that spelt out why the Reds are going to win the league. In the 3-0 win, the Reds dominated 61% of possession and commanded five times the Shots on target of their opponent. In contrast their closest rival, the much-criticised Cincinnati Steamers, only managed 54% of possession against a Hawks side that has yet to chalk up a victory this season, whilst also managing less shots on target than their superior neighbours.

"When you look at those statistics, it's blindingly obvious why the Reds are running this league these days." Manager Lordanubis told reporters after the game. "The Steamers were so bad, that I've called our Chairman on his holiday in Florida just a few minutes ago and told him that we've already won the league - because it's in the bag."

"All I've got to say is that that no good loser Kahn needs to have a good look at those stats and accept the inevitable. He needs to come out here and tell the world that the Reds are the greatest in the world. He needs to be a man, and come out to face the media and face the beating he deserves for even daring to be a pretender to our title. But even then, that won't save his pathetic team."

"Any way you look at it, tonight we laid down new rules and standards. The party's over for everybody else in this league, because the Reds are taking care of business and no-one else has a chance in the world."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:44 pm

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Saints Claim Third Spot
St Helens FC claimed third spot in Division 8:55 with a 4-3 victory over New Sealand this week, in a day where both their rivals for the promotion place did not manage to get the job done they needed to. Indeed, it was realistically a bad weekend for all three teams involved in the promotion chase - Legendary XII slumping to defeat at FC Kill, Team Dual being held by Alianza Revolution, and - although they ultimately won the game - the Saints shipping 3 goals in a game they should have won comfortably.

Whilst he'll be delighted with the three points and third place, this situation left manager Lordanubis far from happy after the final whistle. "We need to improve, it's as simple as that." he told reporters. "No disrespect to New Sealand, because they came out and played their hearts out tonight, but we shouldn't be shipping three in games like this. I put out an inexperienced defensive lineup tongiht to try and build their experience, but I'll be bringing some older hands back for the next game. We simply must be better if we are to have any chance against FC Sporting Anston."

Sporting Anston, who have led the table for the vast majority of the season, will be a tough ask for a Saints side not in the best of form of late - though they have been getting the job done all the same. Last time out the Saints were beaten 3-0 by Anston, and Lordanubis is keen to ensure that doesn't happen again.

"They're a good side, but we have pride. We'll go out there and try to correct the mistakes made earlier in the season, trying to cling on to third place in the process."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:25 am

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Liverspool Begin Relegation Safety Run
Liverspool have begun their end of season run to avoid relegation by beating the Argonauts 2-1 in their recent league match. After suffering at the hands of poor form throughout their season, despite their dominating Cup performances, Liverspool have looked to turn their fortunes around by pushing for a series of wins in their last fixtures of the current season.

Recently having sacked their long time manager, Malcolm Reynolds, Liverspool have been written off as relegation delegates. The recently firing seems to have had the desired effect in forcing the squad to focus on the rest of the season instead of the things going on behind the scenes. Several pundits have considered this the shock necessary to get the club back on track and salvage their lackluster performance this season.

While the club works at saving themselves from an all-to-real future, the board have been searching for a new manager. Several rumours have been spreading around that Alaric, of Argonaut renown, could be approached with an offer to manage the Livers. Others have suggest a possible swoop for LordAnubis, who has impressed this season with his turnaround of St. Helens fortunes and produced promising results with a side that is anything but Lodge League material. Whoever it is, it is well known that he has to not only be a good man manager, but a wiley tactitician.
Walk on with hope in your heart
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[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:07 pm

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Liverspool Rumours Prompt Reply
In response to the recent rumours about his name being involved over the vacant Liverspool job, St Helens Reds manager Lordanubis held a Press Conference this morning to address the many questions the media had.

"The thing you've got to understand," he told the assembled press, "is that in this game everyone wants to be Lordanubis - everyone wants to be the man. Sometimes I forget just how much of a god I really am, but when you wake up in the morning as Lordanubis, there are always statements of interest from big clubs there to prove to you what a man you are."

"Liverspool is a big club, of that there's no doubt, and every big club needs a Lordanubis-wannabe in order to get somewhere. Malcolm Reynolds just wasn't that man. He wasn't on the phone to me every weekend like he should have been, getting the advice he needed to turn that team round. It's sad that the team has to pay the price for that lack of vision, and lack of respect for me."

Upon being asked outright whether he would take the position if it were offered, Lordanubis was somewhat guarded. "All I've got to see on that issue, is that they'd have to pay for the best to get the best. The Reds' Chairman pays me billions for my salary, and he's promised me movies. Frankly, for the wages most teams pay out to their wannabe managers, they could stick their offer where the sun doesn't shine. But if Liverspool are prepared to come and pay for my talent and success - to pay for their survival this season and guaranteed trophies thereafter - then I'd at least sit down to talk turkey."

Finally, in response to the comments of Cincinnati Steamers' manager Kahn regarding the issue, Lordanubis told the assembled press "we'll see whose mother is briefing the press at the end of the season. My mother sits at home and watches all the success that I bring to the family, and the fame that surrounds me, and she's damn proud to be associated with Lordanubis. Just because Kahn's mother is left to try and sort out his promotions, doesn't mean everyone's is!"
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:42 pm

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Relegation Looms for the Livers
Today's loss for Liverspool all be secured their place in relegation. With only three matches left in the league season, Liverspool would need a miracle to win their matches while those above lose all of theirs. A long shot and most pundits have already written the Livers' chances of remaining up. What was a glimmer of hope for LFC would soon be dashed out when Rangers secured their home win via a late second half penalty. The result was just another sign of the turbulent times that plague Liverspool.

While Liverspool were busy on the pitch, the LFC board was busy off the pitch continuing their search for a new manager to help the floundering club right itself and get back on track. Some names were thrown about earlier in the week in rumours splashed about by local media and the board spokesman, Kitschan Fursglow, released a short statement in regards to the rumours.

"Liverspool Football Club continue to search for a new manager that will help guide the club back on track and return the priorities and goals set by the board and club. There have been some names thrown around for potential managers, such as Alaric Zidane and LordAnubis, and I'm here to discount those as just that, rumours. While we admire the skills of Alaric, we are appalled by the mention of the likes of LordAnubis. His inability to look beyond his own ego and act like a quality manager has earned the ire and disgust of most of the FA, ourselves included. You can rest assured that we would never hand over a legendary club to likes of a child with the mental capacity of a rock.

We will continue our research and analysis of current managers and consider only top candidates to take the role of manager for a presitgious club that has a long and tiered history. When the time comes to announce our appointment, you will be the first to know."

Liverspool have found themselves through the Quarter Finals of the FA Cup and progress to the Semi Finals where they will meet up with FC Shermanaslovakia to pursue their second Cup final and possible second piece of silverware to help ease the pain of relegation this season.
Walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:07 pm

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Steamers Shamed By Dominant Reds
The Cincinnati Steamers were shamed yesterday by a performance of sheer excellence by Lordanubis' St Helens Reds as they rompsed to victory over The Hawks, making Steamers' manager Kahn look ridiculous in the process.

Only a week before the game Kahn had thrown accusations of statistics manipulation at the Reds, claiming that his side had performed better than the magnificent Reds because they had scored four goals against The Hawks, despite being outclassed in every other statistic regarding the match. Yesterday's 7-0 thrashing of The Hawks by Lordanubis' team naturally put those accusations to shame.

"Well you know something?" Lordanubis told reporters in his post game Press Conference. "What we've done tonight is shown those lousy Steamers how a real team plays. Seven goals without reply when they could only manage four - this clearly demonstrates the gulf in class between our two sides, and why Kahn should still be selling meat from the back of a truck in Cincinnati."

"The bottom line is that I'm the man who made football famous, and tonight I became the man to make Kahn famous - famous for false claims and unsubstantiated statistics. The whole world now knows that the Reds are the greatest in the world, and the Steamers will go down in history as the biggest losers to ever share a stage with Lordanubis."

Finally, asked to comment on yesterday's comments from the Liverspool board, Lordanubis responded briskly. "All I've got to say about that is that backwards-thinking directors like that are the reason the club's in the state it's in. The people who love Lordanubis know what I could do for that club, but now they'll never have the benefit of my greatness."


---------------------------------------

Pro League

Saints Take Point But Slip To Fifth
St Helens FC took an invaluable point against league leaders FC Sporting Anston this week but still slipped down to fifth in the process. Wins by rivals Team Dual and Legendary XII meant that both teams were able to overhaul them in the table on the basis of a single point and goal difference respectively.

"The season's not over yet though." manager Lordanubis told the assembled press. "Next week sees us travelling to Legendary XII whilst Team Dual face FC Sporting Anston. That'll be a telling week in the current race for third place. Whoever comes out of next week best is in pole position to take promotion."

"Obviously, the Saints will be going out as we always do to attack the game and take all three points. I'm sure the others will do the same, as they're all just as fired up and hungry to take that last promotion place as we are! It should be a great day of football for the supporters, of that there is no doubt."

With only three games left in the season, time is running out for each of the three competing teams to lay their claim on third place in Division 8:55. Next week will certainly be a large factor in ultimately deciding who grabs that place, and this reporter for one looks forward to seeing how events unfold.
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:24 pm

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Bohs Continue Gaining Ground
The Dun Carrig Bohs continued gaining ground on third place in the Segunda Liga table this week by taking a somewhat unexpected point from their trip to Atl11tico Melloria. This leaves the Bohs three points off third place with one game to play against poorly performing PEI FC.

The Bohs are widely expected to take all three points from the encounter, as PEI FC have not won a game all season, and as such could yet take third place in the table if both the A.M. Adepts and Nordheim Badgers lose their respective games.

In his post match press conference following the Melloria match, manager Lordanubis spoke on the possibility. "We're looking at third, yes. It's attainable if things go our way, but at the end of the day only a few weeks ago you would never have thought we'd be in a position to place as highly as we are now, let alone third! We're extremely proud of the progress we've made in these last few weeks, and whatever happens next week we'll send the lads off on the inter-season break with a hearty congratulations."

Next week will wrap up an exciting season in the Segunda Liga that many will be sad to see come to an end. With the likelihood that surviving managers will be looking to strengthen next season to surpass this raising of the bar, the league is likely to get even more competitive next year. Lordanubis agreed with this assessment.

"You haven't seen anything yet." he told reporters. "Next season should be one of the closest fought in years."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:17 am

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A Crazy Week In Square League One
This past week has certainly been one of the more interesting ones in Square League One for quite some time, with shock results, expected results, and fiery gossip dominating the scene. Fairly hopeless promotion contenders Isilington United suffered a shock loss to Estudiantes United in what makes the battle for third place seem all the more interesting. St Helens Reds naturally romped home to an emphatic victory over a new set of inferior opponents in what was a widely expected result, and league no hopers Cincinnati Steamers also slumped to an expected thrashing at the hands of Rickrollers.

It is this last result that dominated headlines across the football world, however, when reports were leaked from inside the Steamers camp that manager Kahn had failed to turn up for the game, with ludicrous claims of him "needing to buy a new network card instead" being issued by the club to cover up this shocking lack of dedication to the team. Naturally, the only man truly qualified to talk about the claims was asked about the reports in his weekly Press Conference, and Lordanubis - manager of St Helens Reds - responded graciously.

"What this shows is that Kahn's running scared." Lordanubis told the assembled press. "He knows that the Reds are the greatest in the world, and he knows that his band of losers can't keep pretending forever, so now he's trying to jump ship before they capsize. But the good news is that in two weeks time, that'll be his last match. After we take the title and show up his bunch of misfits, he'll never manage professionally again. After all is said and done, everyone will realise that no-one can measure up to Lordanubis."

Next asked to comment on this week's fantastic set of results, Lordanubis spoke of the scenes of jubiliation seen across the globe since the full time scores came through. "What this week has done is show who the pretenders are, and who the real men are in this league."

"Teams like the Steamers and Isilington can only get by on beating mostly nobodies for so long, and sooner or later they'll be shown up. This week they were just that, and my Reds side showed just how damn good they truly are. My players are truly committed, and my fans are fans for life. The thousands of Steamers and Isilington fans that have been cheering us on since those results came through just shows that no-one wants to be seen supporting such losers. They're with the Reds now, and when you're with the Reds - when you're with Lordanubis - you're with us for life."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Liga Mundo

Chase For Third Comes To A Close
The chase for third place in Segunda Liga came to an end this week during the last game of the season, in what can only be described as a comic set of happenings within the league. With losses for Nordheim Badgers FC and A.M. Adepts FC, and victories for the Dun Carrig Bohs and Dynamo Dorpat, the league saw a complete reversal of fortunes. Both the Adepts and the Badgers, who have looked comfortable for third and fourth place in the league for some time despite the close points totals, were sent crashing into fifth and seventh place respectively. Meanwhile the Bohs and Dorpat, who had been looking set for lower finishes, ended up taking third and fourth place.

For the Dun Carrig Bohs, third place is a particular achievement. Only a few games ago there were very real fears of relegation surrounding the club, and new manager Lordanubis has been credited with much of their change in fortunes in recent weeks - a change in fortunes which has seen them finish only four points off promotion, in third place, and having scored the most goals in the league over the course of the season.

Despite these achievements, Lordanubis is keen to point out that the team's defence let them down badly over the season - conceding a damaging 32 goals that may well indicate why they have not achieved promotion when all is said and done. It is certainly an area they will be looking to improve for next season, though Lordanubis made it very clear to the press that the Bohs will not be going for sweeping changes in the transfer market.

"We may bring in one or two new faces, but broadly speaking I'm happy with the squad." he told reporters. "We'll try to get them in as soon as possible to give them time to settle, and then start preparing for the new season."

When asked about his hopes for next season, his reply was very clear. "Promotion. It's as simple as that. We've taken third place this year despite a torrid period in the middle of the season. Next year, hopefully that torrid period won't rematerialise, and we have to be looking to build upon past successes and make that push up to Primera Liga."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:29 am

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Saints Win To Stay In Chase For Third
St Helens FC beat rivals Legendary XII 3-0 this week to keep their hopes of a third place finish in Division 8:55 alive this week. Legendary XII, whilst not out of the chase for third themselves, now need results to swing their way in order to make up the four point gap, whereas Saints will be able to claim third place if they beat its current occupants Team Dual next week.

"We're very pleased at this result." Saints manager Lordanubis told reporters after the game. "Legendary XII are no walkover, and it was very important we get the win today to keep up with the promotion chase. Hopefully we can build on this next week and take third place leading into the final game of the season."

"Team Dual will be tough though." he admitted. "They beat us earlier in the season, and it's critical we don't make the same mistakes again. Our season hangs on this game, so we have to raise our game accordingly."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:08 pm

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Grand Lodge League

Liverspool See the Finals Again
Liverspool FC secured their second spot in a Cup final today as they went on to beat FC Shermanaslovakia in the second leg of the FA Cup. Liverspool have shined throughout the season in their Cup performances while their League form has suffered and as a result LFC will find themselves joining the ranks of Compass Championship sides in the next season.

LFC played a defensive 4-4-2 to try and limit any chance of having the visiting side score goals and upset the balance of the previous week's 2-0 win away from home at Beaver Stadium. This tactic seemed to work as the Livers prevented the visiting Shermanaslovakia from producing any chances and kept them frustrated throughout the 90'. Fernando Torres would be the man to raise the hopes of the home supporters as he placed on in the back of the net off a freekick late in the second half. This would all but end the Cup hopes of the Sherms and see LFC in the battle for a second piece of silverware this season.

Liverspool will face FC Ramos Arizpe, who handily beat Hull City F.C, in the final next week. It is rumoured that the Livers are the firm favourites to secure the win and bring some consolation to the suffering club.

In other news, the Liverspool board have been stepping up their pace to find a new manager for the next season. Rumours continue as to who could be the next man to lead the historic and legendary club, but the board have been tight-lipped in mentioning any names. All that has been confirmed by the LFC board is that they have spoken with some potential candidates and that they are nearing a decision.
Walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:08 pm

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Reds Back On Top - World Celebrates
St Helens Reds manager Lordanubis was universally hailed as a god amongst men today, as he led his triumphant Reds side back to the top of Square League One at the expense of the universally hated Cincinnati Steamers.

In what was a complete demolition of a determined Rickrollers side, Lordanubis was left to watch in immense satisfaction as the Steamers failed to overcome Isilington United - a result which sent both of the Reds' local rivals crashing down a place in the league table.

"When we walked off the pitch today it was as if an aircraft had slammed into the stadium and left devastation in its wake." Lordanubis told the assembled press following the match. "Wild celebrations in the stands, a scene of complete and utter annihalation on the pitch, and losers with Steamers shirts on being beaten up around the stadium as the people who love Lordanubis showed them who's boss."

"All season long, Kahn has been coming out here and claiming his Steamers side are better than the Reds - better than Lordanubis. All season long, we've been harrassed with unfair and unprovoked press releases denigrating the good name of the Reds and Lordanubis. What we did tonight is show the world that we're the better man, and put one hand on our trophy. I told you all weeks ago that no-one would ever again lay claim to our title, and now you can all see just how right I was."

"Next week we're going to have Isilington United come down to Knowsley Road, and we're going to waste them and prove that the Reds reign supreme. If there was any question in peoples minds who the team at the top of the pecking order is, who the greatest manager of all time is, we'll show them next week that the Reds and Lordanubis are the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be."

Officials for Square League One told this reporter following the Press Conference that the trophy will be on hand at Knowsley Road next week, as 'the Reds winning it is inevitable - everyone on the FA board knows that loser Kahn couldn't beat Lordanubis' Reds if he tried'. Dignitaries around the world have expressed their desire to be present to watch what will undoubtedly be a glorious ceremony, including world leaders.

"These people recognise what a man I am." Lordanubis told me when asked for comment on this. "They may have brokered peace treaties, but they know they could never be half the man Lordanubis is, and so they're coming to pay their respects as we collect our trophy. Because they all know that next week the Reds will be going down in history, as we collect the trophy that will belong to us for life. Everyone wants to be a part of history, and everyone wants to be a fan of the Reds."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:33 pm

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Liga Mundo

Bohs Strengthen Squad In Pre-Season
The Dun Carrig Bohs have been at work strengthening their squad through the transfer market since the season concluded last week. Three players have been brought in, all of 16 years of age, whom manage Lordanubis feels will help the squad plan for the future and add an extra bit of pace and desire into the team for next season.

"Obviously we've let a couple of players go, and we thank them for their contribution to the club and wish them all the best for the future. But these three young boys that we've brought in show great promise, and we'll be introducing them into the team over the coming weeks. We're all very confident that they'll fit right in here, and bring a much needed element of youth to the club at just the right time. Hopefully, they'll give us that little bit extra we need to help us push on for promotion to the Primera Liga."

The Bohs faced United Force in a pre-season friendly today where all three of their signings were on show. The game, a comfortable 3-0 victory, served as a useful preparation game for the Bohs. The club is hoping to organise another couple of friendlies before the season begins, to ensure they are in tip-top shape for the start of the season.

-----------------------------------------------

Pro League

Out Of Our Hands

St Helens FC were left dejected this week as, despite their best efforts, they were held to a 3-3 draw by promotion rivals Team Dual. The draw leaves the Saints a point behind Team Dual with one game left to play, and thus fully reliant upon Dual dropping points in order to be in with any chance of promotion.

"It's disappointing. Certainly not the outcome we needed." Saints manager Lordanubis told the press after the game. "We worked so hard throughout the match to get the win, and it's a bit of a hammer blow knowing that we have to rely on another team to help get us promoted."

"Obviously we have to come out here and do our part by taking three points off Alianza Revolution. But unless FC Kill get a result ultimately we'll still be in Division 8 next season. That's football sometimes I suppose."

The closely fought promotion battle will be one to watch in Division 8 next week, as the fight which has dragged on for the majority of the season finally comes to a head. Team Dual are the favourites to attain promotion, but an upset by FC Kill can certainly not be ruled out either. Saints will be wanting to capitalise should said upset occur, and should the games be goal heavy, it will certainly be a lively and intriguing afternoon for all.
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:53 pm

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Change Arrives For The Nightmares
It has been an eventful week for the Nippon Nightmares, involving not only a rebranding of the club but also a change in management.

The team, languishing bottom of the Champions Division without a single point, is in terrible form and has been badly in need of a new pair of hands. Whilst new manager Lordanubis did not arrive in time to be able to stop the team slumping to a defeat in the Ark Premier Classic, the Nightmares only lost on penalties - having held Rampage H.C.F.C. to a 1-1 draw in normal time.

"It's an unfortunate loss tonight, but not unexpected." he told the press after the game. "The team are badly out of shape, and it'll take some time to get that situation turned around - then we'll have to consider how to start reparing badly damaged DV. But that said, we gave a very strong performance tonight and were, I felt, unlucky to lose when all was said and done. We'll come back at the weekend for our league game and hopefully keep improving. Our aim to begin with has to be to get the team off the bottom of the table, which is certainly achievable judging by what I've seen tonight."

Also, asked about rumours of a legal battle with New Jersey Nightmare over the use of the term 'Nightmare', Lordanubis refused to comment, citing inability to comment on ongoing legal proceedings. Rumours that the New Jersey Nightmare would be willing to give up their stadium as part of a settlement were thus left unaddressed, and reporters thus left to speculate further on the issue.
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:30 pm

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Grand Lodge League

Liverspool Achieve the Double
Relegation looms for Liverspool after Thursday's match against the Skitter Smackers but it is not enough to stop the celebrations and excitement that has consumed Liverspool and Bansfield as Liverspool FC are the first club in Grand Lodge League history to perform the double, winning both the Compass Cup and last night having beaten FC Ramos Arizpe in the FA Cup final in a single season.

The celebrating began when team skipper Jan M11lby lifted the newly acquired cup in the air and began singing the club's anthem of You'll Almost Never Walk Without Someone Being Beside You, with the tens of thousands of Liverspool supporters joining in and making the Xpert Arena rafters shake in reverberation. No one noticed that the Arizpe supporters had left soon after the final whistle blew and it was probably for the best as the Livers supporters soon began attacking anything not in the club colours and invading the local pubs and chippies to help begin the festivities.

Liverspool now prepare to finish their season against the Smackers at Bansfield. It is hoped that the club will end on a win and will be prepared to announce their new manager for the next season. While the supporters are dismayed at a dismal league season, they are very proud to see Liverspool take home two pieces of silverware and enter the history of Cup wins by performing the seldom achieved Double.
Walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:13 pm

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Hail To The King, Baby!
Fireworks lit up the sky, parades marched through the streets, and upon the field milions celebrated whilst billions more joined them in their good cheer around the world. Yes, that's right, this evening St Helens Reds clinched the Square League One title. In a thrilling match, the Reds' fantabulous squad made it look like Isilington United's players weren't even on the pitch over the ninety minutes, without even needing to get out of first gear themselves. The severe thrashing was widely anticipated, and ensured the Reds attainted the inevitable despite what went on elsewhere in the league.

The match had been the talk of the globe over the past week, with the world's most rich and affluent booking seats at Knowsley Road to ensure their part in what is a truly historical, and destined, moment. One guest, Nelson Mandella, told the press afterwards that "being here today makes all of my achievements pale in comparison - it makes the time in prison worth it."

Also in attendance were The Pope (who conveyed an honorary sainthood upon Reds' manager Lordanubis for his amazing work this season), many heads of state, and everyone who is anyone in the world of sport. Naturally, this meant that failing club Liverspool, who made a huge blunder earlier in the season by allowing an uneducated boardmember to criticise a national treasure in Lordanubis, were the only club not represented at Knowsley Road. Even the chairman of local failures the Cincinnati Steamers turned up, admitting to the press that he just had to experience what success felt like for once in his life.

Following an astounding victory ceremony, which included a parade by the Army, acrobatic displays by legions of the worlds finest gymnasts, the world's largest ever fireworks display, and the aforementioned conferring of sainthood upon the manager of the Reds, thankfully the press were able to get a few words with triumphant hero Lordanubis about the whole experience whilst fans throughout the stadium chanted 'Hail to the king' (referring of course to Lordanubis himself).

"Now this is a force to be reckoned with!" he told us, whilst gesturing at his team (who were, at the time, being paraded around the stadium on the shoulders of the aforementioned world leaders). "I've taken all of these players and turned them into a juggernaut. Damn I'm good! I am the king of the world baby! Sometimes I even amaze myself! These fans here tonight know what a man I am, and they know just what needs to be said to those former pretenders to our title - 'End of the line! Last stop, total destruction!'"

Asked about the pressure he has been under to deliver this moment all season, he told the press: "Piece of cake! I could do this all day. It's a fantastic feeling to be able to look at teams like the Steamers and say 'I'm not going to fight you - I'm gonna kick your ass!', then to go out and do just that over the course of the season."

"Now, I'm an equal opportunity ass-kicker, but after today I think I can catagorically say 'so much for the rat pack'. I've proven how much better we are than those who have finished beneath us. There's only ever been two ways their title dreams could end, and in both of them those dreams would die. They just needed to accept that. At the end of the day, it was always going to be my way or...hell, just my way, because I've got balls of steel!"

Today's success aside, rumours have continued circulating in recent weeks that Lordanubis may soon be leaving Knowsley Road to join Liverspool, despite denial of this from the boards of both clubs. Once again asked about this matter, Lordanubis catagorically cleared it up once and for all.

"I've always said if there's a way to leave Knowsley Road it would have something to do with women, whips and oil. As far as I'm aware, the Liverspool job offers none of these things, and that means that the work environment sucks - though the benefits may well be nice. Because of that, I'll still be here at Knowsley Road next season. I go where I please, and I please where I go, but I'm certainly not going anywhere this summer."

With that Lordanubis ventured back to the wild celebrations, which lasted well into the night - eventually dying down at around 5am the next morning. As his team finally left the pitch, Lordanubis was mobbed by attractive women seeking his attention. "So many babes, so little time. Don't worry girls, there's plenty of Lordanubis to go around! Babes, trophies and cash - damn, I love this job." he was heard calling as he vanished down the tunnel with said women.

In many ways that sums up the man completely - massively popular, and hugely successful at whatever he turns his hand to as this season has proved. All those I spoke to were sure he'd be a success next year in the Compass Championship. Characteristically, he himself has only one question for his upcoming opponents: "Who wants some? I'm gonna get medieval on your asses!"
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:22 pm

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Promotion For Saints
St Helens FC snatched third place in Division 8:55 yesterday in what was a thrilling end to a promotion battle that has spanned across the majority of the season. The Saints had gone into the match both needing to win and rivals Team Dual to lose, and over the course of the afternoon fortune shined on them as FC Kill did them a huge favour by upsetting Team Dual to allow the Saints to sneak into third place.

"It's a fantastic achievement for the club, and everyone here is delighted, but boy was it nervewracking!" Saints manager Lordanubis admitted after the game. "Obviously the goals in our game didn't come until really late in the match, so it was incredibly tense waiting for the dam to break and us to do what we needed to. Of course, when we DID take the lead for the second time, after Allianza Revolution had drawn level, we were all very aware that FC Kill were only winning 1-0."

"We were all biting our nails hoping beyond hope that we'd be able to put the seal on the match, and so would FC Kill. Thankfully for us, that's just what happened. Now we're all turning our heads forward to the new season in order to prepare the squad for what will be a huge challenge - but one I'm sure we'll take on as we have done this challenge today."

Word is also circulating that the club's management has been extremely pleased by the growth of the squad over the course of the season, with drastic improvements occurring across the board. Lordanubis refused to comment on this, but did tell the press that "we certainly think we're ready for the challenge of Division 7 next season."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ark Premier League

Nippon Continue To Struggle
The Nippon Nightmares continued to struggle this week as they were both eliminated from the Ark Premier Classic and lost to Tritonia Tides in manager Lordanubis' first two games in charge. The Nightmares could count themselves unlucky though, as in in the cup game they played well throughout and took a deserved 1-1 scoreline into the penalty shootout within which they were unluckily eliminated 4-3.

Similarly, in the match at Tritonia the Nightmares negated their opponent well and looked a lot tighter than they have in recent weeks. But they also failed to create any chances of note, and were left to rue this in what ended in a 1-0 defeat.

Manager Lordanubis would certainly have been hoping for a better start to his tenure, but must surely take positives from what has been too vastly improved performances by his team. "I think the results are a touch unfair, as we've been solidly in both games." he told the press following the Tritonia game. "But we have to take our chances better, and make more chances whilst we're at it. I'm relatively pleased with what I've seen, but we need more if we're going to get ourselves off the bottom of the table."

The Nightmares travel to New Jersey Nightmare for the next two weeks in succession, with whom they are currently involved in a bitter legal dispute. Fans are hoping the Nightmares can continue to build on this week's performances, and take their first points of the season from these fixtures.
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:00 pm

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Ark Premier League

Continued Positive Form for the Red
Estrella Damm FC continue their run of fine form as they eliminated Philadelphia Dragons from the Ark Premier Classic and produced a win over the New Jersey Nightmare in their lastest Cup and League matches. Many had speculated that EDFC would struggle to maintain this season after having moved and a new manager appointed, but it seems that they have taken task to hand and produced a quality run so far this season.

The Red continue their push for stability in the league where they currently stand in the fourth spot on the table and hope to piece together a strong run in the Cups this season in hopes of taking home a piece of silverware. EDFC next face VolNation Volunteer in the APC semi-finals and hopes are high that they can pull a fast one over on the favourites. In League matches, The Red face a long span of days with no match before they travel to New Jersey to take on the Nightmare. EDFC manager Guillermo del Lu11z hopes that the span of time without a match doesn't negatively affect the form of his squad and is looking to push for a friendly in hopes of keeping his squad in shape.

Estrella Damm entered this season as underdogs but have really pulled their weight thus far and have really given supporters and opponents a reason to love and fear the club. Many pundits have considered re-evaluating their views of the club and several have admitted that they took the club for what it used to be, not what it is shaping up to be.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liga Mundo

Adepts Looking for Promotion
A.M. Adepts FC begin the season with an improved and in-form squad along with a desire to fight for a promotion spot into the coveted Primera Liga. Malcolm Reynolds has worked long and hard with his club during the off-season to ensure that they would be producing a strong series of wins both in League and in Cup competitions. Many feel that this is their year to secure their spot to the top.

With veterans in key positions able to impart their knowledge and work rate to the younger talent, it is believed that the Adepts will be one to keep an eye on. Returning this season to help lead the squad is the indomitable Horst Bauer, who saw an 81% save percentage between the posts, 10 nominations in the XI Squad, as well as being named in the Liga Munda All-Star Squad. Along with him will be the likes of Afonso Francescoli, Bill Renton, Craig Thornton, Stevie MacCoubrey, and Gheorghe Oghiut11, all of which who bring stability and experience to the rest of the club.

Many have given the nod for the Adepts to see promotion this year having barely missed out in the past few seasons due to final matches of the season knocking them off the mark. What remains to be seen is whether the club can keep up their pace and continue to produce a winning run without faltering in the final days. What can be said is this...buckle your safety belts because this is going to be one hell of a ride.
Walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:40 am

Cyphon88
Posts: 122
Joined: Thu May 20, 2010 10:46 pm
Today at 10:33

Templar Blades
Lodge Premier League
Manager: Cyphon88



Bookies bust, Blades Buying?
The Chapterhouse Ministry of plenty announced today that the Templar Bookies would not be in action this season. After successful first couple of seasons, providing enough money that the Ministry of Plenty could buy a new combine harvester for the new collectivised farms. However last season, the bookies predictions got them in hot water. With their very own Blades challenging for the title, Liverspool being no where, and the complete mess of League 1, the Bookies made huge losses. "The 'Bookies' will be closed this season, the ministry predicts it will be a very interesting new season, but is at this time offering no odds" indicated a ministry official.

Social Commentators have indicated that this order might be recinded, as they speculate the wild gambling masses of the Chapterhouse will instead go underground, denying the Chapterhouse ministries revenue. Of course these commentators are counter revolutionaries trying to destabalise the ever glorious chapterhouse and so their words have been smothered.

Meanwhile the Templar Blades are looking to make a new signing before the new season. With the retirement of Hubert McNall it's well known that the Blades are looking for a new Goalkeeper. "Today we submitted an enquiry for Bruce Grobbelaar to Liverspool FC and are awaiting a response" Cyphon88 indicated at a press conference. "He's a talented goalkeeper, and we made the enquiry before we knew of the new season, and Liverspool used dark magic to avoid relegation".

Grobbelaar, 34 is well know for his amazing shotstopping, and as a safe pair of hands. Rumour coming out of the Chapterhouse indicate that the view of the board is that the 1.25 million dollar rated keeper would make a great Number 1, giving Rusty Knight further time to develop.

In an exclusive interview with Manager Cyphon88 the Bramall Mail asked why he thought Grobbelaar would be so good, and would he want to come to the Bramall Chapterhouse? "Well, when we made the enquiry, we realised that a player of Bruce's Calibre might want to continue to play at the top of his, and this game, and playing for a team who narrowly missed out of the championship would do this for him far more that playing in the Championship. He's still got international selection to think of, and I can promise that crime is dealt much more harshly here, than in Banfield, everyone just laughs at those skausers nickings anything not nailed down"

In other news, the Chapterhouse's crime levels have dropped dramatically and the abolition of property, and the ministry of Love's new regulation of a hand being purged for theft. Commentators are unsure as to which introduction is the cause of this new crime level, but we all know that it's due to the tremendous work of Our Glorious Leader.

Bradley Buttins, reporting from the Chapterhouse, for the Bramall Mail.

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 6:30 pm

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Anubis
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Liga Mundo

Riots at Chapterhouse as Bohs Sunk
The Dun Carrig Bohs got themselves off to a disastrous start to the new season today by crashing to a 4-1 defeat at divisional no-hopers the Templar Blades. Despite coming into the game overwhelming favourites, and in great form, the Bohs struggled during the game at creating the sort of chances they were at the close of last season. The Bohs' defence also suffered a disastrous collapse, allowing the Templars to score four fairly simplistic goals that will have left their manager Lordanubis fuming. This meant that, despite a stonewall penalty in the 67th minute when Manuel Rebosio was almost killed by a particularly violent Templars player, the Bohs started the season terribly - left in seventh place in Segunda Liga.

More notable than the football though were matters surrounding the game. It is no secret that the Templars and the Bohs hold a stern rivalry between them, but none could have expected the violence that marred today. Reports were pouring in all afternoon about how the Chapterhouse Army was turning on the Bohs fans that it was supposedly protecting, and exacting violent revenge for the fact that the Bohs have enjoyed much more success than the Templars in recent years. These reports were dismissed until the first innocent Bohs fans began to stream into the hospitals, telling tales of the horrors exacted upon them. One man even arrived with an automatic weapon impaled in his leg - its owner having been unable to extract it before the paramedics arrived.

At the match itself, the violence escalated further. Backwards and uneducated Templars fans teamed up with stadium security to inflict further injury upon Bohs fans, with 2000 within the stadium itself being reported as injured - most of these being pregnant women and children. In response, the remaining Bohs fans could be peacable no longer, and rightfully sought to defend themselves using the stadium seats upon which they were sat. The 12000 Templars supporters hospitalised by these 2000 rampaging fans could certainly attest that perhaps using metal seats in the stadium was not the best idea in the world - though in fairness, all injured Templars fans deserved what they got. The Bohs fans were then forced to flee at the final whistle, when the Chapterhouse Military began to bring tanks out onto the playing surface.

Bohs manager Lordanubis was unavailable for comment following the game, as he was otherwise engaged smashing the Away Dugout in whatever way possible and single-handedly subduing 50 Chapterhouse soldiers before joining his team in making their escape from the oncoming tanks with nought but their kit and a submachine gun each.

The Dun Carrig government was left in a state of outrage, and was forced to deploy its own army into Chapterhouse territory to recover injured, mistreated, heavily pregnant, and completely innocent fans who had been oppressed and beaten by Chapterhouse vermin. There were thankfully no casualties during the entire operation, as the government insisted that all Chapterhouse civilian houses demolished by the Dun Carrig tank brigade on route to the hospital were empty. Lordanubis and the Bohs squad were also thankfully recovered unharmed.

Following the heroic rescue of all personell and withdrawal from Chapterhouse territory, the government issued a warning that any future violence against its citizens under the disguise of football would be met with the utilisation of the government's nuclear deterrant against the offending nation. They also confirmed that they would be speaking to the league's governing body regarding the "substantial available evidence" that the Bohs team were drugged beforehand by an inferior Templar side eager to further their country's propoganda.

-- Dun Carrig State News --
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 7:34 pm

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Anubis
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Grand Lodge League

All Change For The Reds
With a new season starting next week, the newly promoted St Helens Reds have been making major adjustments to their playing squad ahead of kickoff. In the past week, five players have been shown the door at Knowsley Road and five replacements brought in. After their inevitable victory in Square League One, in order to help them progress onto bigger and better things major surgery was applied to the Reds' team by manager, and holy Saint, Lordanubis.

"The first thing you've got to realise is that these men are the future of football. You can call us the new blood of the Grand Lodge Leaguefootball, and I've brought them in so that they can become the best players in the world right here at Knowsley Road. They came from lowlife teams around the glove, and everybody was wondering how they would ever achieve success. But who knows more about success than me? We ran rampant in Square League One last year thanks to me, and we outgrew that league in less than a season. There isn't anywhere better suited to raising the stars of the future than here, under my guiding hand. And not only are we going to build the stars of the future, we're going to destroy everyone in our path as we do it."

Global media has recently been filled with claims of huge bias against the Reds by the league's ruling body, due to the divisional lineups this season. The Compass Championship has been stacked against Lordanubis' team by a largely Liverspool dominated board who have saved their own club from the relegation they earned whilst placing far more difficult opponents in the Reds' way. "All I've got to say about that is that it's a disgrace." Lordanubis affirmed.

"People at Liverspool know that their club would never be able to stand up to Lordanubis and the Reds, and that we'd tear apart their little clique in the Lodge Premier League. So they've used their influcence to try and ensure that the Reds aren't promoted again this season and that Liverspool will thus have to wait another year for the thrashing we have waiting for them."

"And they've done a damn good job of it. Everyone knows from last season what a man I am and what I'm capable of, and what the Reds are capable of, but this season is going to be a tough one. We'll start it off with a bang when we go out and waste the Steamers next week to show the world once again just how good we truly are, but after that it'll be tough considering the barriers Liverspool have put in our way. But with our fans for life, I know we'll get through this season and be ready to destroy Liverspool at the first opportunity. Because at the end of the day, the Reds and Lordanubis are just too sweet for this league."

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Pro League

Saints Ready For Division 7
St Helens FC are ready and raring to go ahead of the start of the new season within which they will be joining the ranks of Division 7. The Saints have been placed within quite a tough group of teams, and their fans fear that they may struggle to make as large an impression this season as they did last, though they and the team itself are looking forward to the challenge.

"We're all really geared up for the challenge and counting down the days until our first game." manager Lordanubis told the media. "This is a great challenge for us as a club, and whilst maybe the fans would have enjoyed us getting an easier group of teams to face, I'm confident that we will be able to give a good account of ourselves and continue building for the future."

The Saints kick off the new season at home next week to Billingham Synthonia, where they will be hoping for a positive result to kickstart their season with a bang.

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Ark Premier League

New Jersey Nightmare For Nippon
The Nippon Nightmares had a nightmare inflicted upon them by the New Jersey Nightmare last week as they were once again soundly beaten in the Champions Division, this time 3-0. Despite the optimism in the buildup to the game, fans were left disappointed and the manager was left frustrated by a poor performance that did not trouble New Jersey much at all throughout the game.

"It was poor." Lordanubis admitted to the press after the game. "We're better than we showed out there today, and every week that goes by makes it harder and harder for us to turn our season around. I think a change of tactics is definately in order now, ad we've struggled to make an impact in our current setup. Expect to see something different from us next game - we're going to go all out to try and get ourselves off the bottom of that table."
"Perhaps this is what I have always wished for since that day. The loss and destruction of all. That's right, one must destroy before creating. In that case, if my conscience becomes a hindrance to me, then I will simply erase it. I have no other choice but to move forward....therefore!" - Lelouch vi Britannia/Zero, Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch

Forever an eXile and proud of it!

Re: X11 - Press Releases

PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:50 pm

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Whizbang
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Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:16 pm
Grand Lodge League


The Reincarnation of Liverspool
Today the Liverspool board announced their appointment of a new manager. There has been much speculation and rumour as to who it could be and who would be the best fit for leading such a historic club. Fans and foes alike have waited anxiously for today as several discussions and arguments fueled many a pub through these past weeks on who would be the next man to lead Livserpool to glory.

In an official announcement released by the club:

"Today, the Liverspool Football Club, its board and its owners have come to a decision on who to offer the job of club manager. It was not an easy decision, and potential candidates were rigorously reviewed, questioned, and debated upon. While we thank everyone for their time and patience, we would also like to thank the supporters for never losing the faith. We know that this has not been easy and that we have many things to correct. We can assure you that things will change starting from game #1 and that we can only go upward.

Today, we would like to unviel our newest manager. He was the best qualified of everyone and we feel his passion and dedication to the sport and to the city itself should translate well into his ability to restore our club...your club, to glory. Please welcome the newest Liverspool FC manager, Shill Bankly."


It is reported that upon hearing his name announced, supporters filled the streets and pubs in celebration, looting anything not nailed down and rioting the local fish-n-chip shops that covered the area. Many supporters could be seen hanging from rafters and others flinging what appeared to be feces from the balconies.

Is this the saviour that Liverspool needed? Is this the man that will bring the title to the club for the first time since the founding of both club and league? Time will tell.


First Match Shows Fighting Spirit
Liverspool FC hosted the Templar Blades today in the Lodge Premier League season opener to a full stadium and expectant crowd. Hopes were set high and there has been a clamour spreading about a revitalised home side. In addition to the opening match, newly appointed LFC manager, Shill Bankly, was seen entering the stadium from the hall with a football in hand and Liverspool scarf drapped around his neck. The home supporters nearly went mad upon seeing such an iconic sight and a renewed faith was birthed in the players. But what was even more shocking was what came out of the hall from the dressing room before the start of the match.

11 players took to the pitch with only one additional player making his way to the sub bench. This would have the visiting supporters laughing and pointing and providing endless chants as the match took place. But this would not deter the home side.

Instead, a squad full of life and determination played the strongest 90 minutes of their careers, which would result in a 1-1 draw between the two clubs. And to the shock and awe of everyone in the stadium, a goalkeeper was brought out to play to replace the injured Fernando Torres early in the second half. The visitors would laugh and mock but they would be unable to produce anything more than their first half goal against a side that seemed hell-bent to prove a point.

After the match, reporters asked new gaffer Shill Bankly what he was doing.

"What do you think I was doing? I was playing football. Everyone now-a-days have this preconceived notion about how it should be done, and how it should be played, and who should play where and what sort of result should be the result. I came out today, and I proved everyone wrong. I'm not here to play by your rules, by your standards. I'm here to play football my way. And I'm going to prove to you that your ideas and concepts are over-glorified, over-complixified, and over-shitified. This isn't your dad's Liverspool Football Club. This is the people's Liverspool Football Club. And we're here to show you how to play proper football. If you don't like it you can piss off!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liga Mundo


Dictatum of the Magos
:::Commincation Array Session Started:::
:::Link Established:::
:::Open Broadcasting Channels:::



Be advised. Issuance of communique henceforth to be recorded for archaic vault data storage.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adepts FC. We are here to bring the knowledge of the Omnimessiah to you and provide you with understanding, of how your world will be better through the purification of machine and flesh.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adepts FC. We compete amongst you to show how the Omnimessiah can only improve your weak and fragile form, of how your existance will function more efficiently through the purification of machine and flesh.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adepts FC. We have removed the puppets you once saw as the leadership of this device you call football club. We no longer have need of a guise to imprint our purpose upon you. We no longer require subterfuge to integrate ourselves amongst your society.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adetps FC. We have begun the study of your ritualistic behaviours and have participated in such things for the glory of the Omnimessiah. We have started the logical generation of results and variables to provide the most efficient calculations to create optimal chances of success.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adepts FC. Magos Darquios is our figurehead of representation. You are required to communicate through him if you wish to address the Mechanicus. All of our communiques will be transmitted through this representation of our collective.

We are the Adeptus Mechanicus. You call us the A.M. Adepts FC. That is all.


:::Terminating Broadcast Channels:::
:::Link Disengaged:::
:::Communication Array Session Terminated:::
Walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

[16:22] <SoulSeeker> i know its not the pc version but i kill kids for fun

<whizbang> Who's the ref?
<Isileth> Some dickhead


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